Yesterday while Ellen was napping, Eddie and I happened upon a rerun of "My So-Called Life.
" Angela was talking to Jordan when he turns suddenly, putting one of his arms out, his hand above one of her shoulders and corners her into a near kiss against a fence. Then he asks her, "Why are you.... you know.... the way you are?" Then he leaves. HE LEAVES. She catches her breath and tries to ask him, "How am I?" He doesn't hear her (or can't/won't answer her in front of his buddies). As he walks away, she's even more desperate to know his answer so she takes a few steps forward and says a bit louder, "How am I?" She's left with no answer.
I'm totally guilty of looking to others to find out How I Am. I just... you know... need to stop it.
I also look to family, home, hobbies and duties for a quick definition of me. I need to stop that too. Maybe it's not the How or the What that we are, but the Why.