I Owe Her
Strategy: (1) Go down the vacant hall and enter the fourth door on the left. (2) Head down, no eye contact. (3) Choose an unassuming stall, enter it, close and lock the door. (4) SILENTLY take care of business, tidy up, exit...no one the wiser.
Actual, Real Life:
(1) The hall... not so vacant. I was in a public place. A college campus. During class change. It took some dodging but I was able to enter the fourth door on the left relatively unscathed.
(2) The eyes... LOTS of them. Lots of people in that crowded hall that I had to pass and weave my way around in order to get to that, "Excuse me." "Sorry." "I need to get over THERE." "Yes, I need to go in THERE." door.
(3) The stall... all were ASSuming. The doors don't really close, nor do they lock so I find myself in a precarious position of balance and contortion in order to secure my privacy in an effort to transition seamlessly to #4.
(4) The noise... So. I get in the stall, door closed (sort of) and I know this isn't going to go down as planned. There are waaay too many people in the bathroom for this to be any kind of a stealth-like mission and I don't know how much longer I can afford to be embarrassed when .....